39 weeks 3 days...

I saw the OB today, had my first internal and then met with staff at the hospital and had an NST.
All was fine, as expected not much happening. The baby is low but just low nothing more, and my cervix is soft but no dilation. I go back in a week and in 2 weeks if nothing has started we will discuss options. I am not one to rush things, I believe that 40 weeks is an average meaning just as many babies come later as earlier. I hope to go into labor on my own but am pretty zen about everything right now. I have things in place for all possible outcomes. I have met with and made plans for most options and will try and remain open as I get closer.

I got what felt like a baby shower in a package from the amazing and wonderful Eden today. There was a gift for Bliss, for me, and for Soul. I was so touched I cried. Bliss has been expressing his amazement at "having friends all the way in Africa, I mean Australia" and thinks it is so wonderful. Roomie tried to tell me not to open the Soul gift until the birth and I snapped at her that showers happen before birth. Damn hormones, lol.

Our house is coming along, I got the first baby clothes and cloth diapers out to wash this week, the living room is painted and pretty much done, and the plumber and electrician have been by to do the lil things that were needed. i have to set my alter up this week and even if nothing else gets done that will be enough.

We got a LOT of snow over Easter and the following day, like 50cm almost. It was beautiful and crazy. Bliss made his first mini snowman with his aunt on the deck and I took pics when he surprised me with it. Then he crushed it with his head later. Too fun!!

The Easter bunny hid most eggs outside before the snow so many are still out there under it all. The bunny was smart and hid some inside too so all was not lost.

I have a lot of emotions mixed up and jumbled about this baby right now. They have always been there but are surfacing more as time nears. This baby is so wanted, desired, loved and needed. I still have the irrational fears come up though about how I will ever love anything or anyone as much as I love Bliss. Intellectually I know better but it still comes up sometimes. I think coming from a home that played such severe favorites games has added to my irrationality but when I find my center the fear leaves.

I also worry about gender in that I worry what Bliss will want. I have absolutely no care which but Bliss today mentioned being outnumbered and needing a brother. He hasn't mentioned that in many many many months but it is back. I told him I hope he got what he wanted but knew we would love the baby no matter what it was. He agreed but I still worry a tiny bit at times.

My hands go dead all day and night now and it is still annoying but expected. I am still throwing up every few days but I am dealing ok with that too. I lost another pound since last week but am healthy with great blood pressure.

So now I continue to unpack, and wait to the arrival.

I am still barely online and feel awful for how little I can comment right now but I know it isn't forever.

Much love to all!!!