Thursday, April 16, 2009

39 weeks 3 days...

I saw the OB today, had my first internal and then met with staff at the hospital and had an NST.
All was fine, as expected not much happening. The baby is low but just low nothing more, and my cervix is soft but no dilation. I go back in a week and in 2 weeks if nothing has started we will discuss options. I am not one to rush things, I believe that 40 weeks is an average meaning just as many babies come later as earlier. I hope to go into labor on my own but am pretty zen about everything right now. I have things in place for all possible outcomes. I have met with and made plans for most options and will try and remain open as I get closer.

I got what felt like a baby shower in a package from the amazing and wonderful Eden today. There was a gift for Bliss, for me, and for Soul. I was so touched I cried. Bliss has been expressing his amazement at "having friends all the way in Africa, I mean Australia" and thinks it is so wonderful. Roomie tried to tell me not to open the Soul gift until the birth and I snapped at her that showers happen before birth. Damn hormones, lol.

Our house is coming along, I got the first baby clothes and cloth diapers out to wash this week, the living room is painted and pretty much done, and the plumber and electrician have been by to do the lil things that were needed. i have to set my alter up this week and even if nothing else gets done that will be enough.

We got a LOT of snow over Easter and the following day, like 50cm almost. It was beautiful and crazy. Bliss made his first mini snowman with his aunt on the deck and I took pics when he surprised me with it. Then he crushed it with his head later. Too fun!!

The Easter bunny hid most eggs outside before the snow so many are still out there under it all. The bunny was smart and hid some inside too so all was not lost.

I have a lot of emotions mixed up and jumbled about this baby right now. They have always been there but are surfacing more as time nears. This baby is so wanted, desired, loved and needed. I still have the irrational fears come up though about how I will ever love anything or anyone as much as I love Bliss. Intellectually I know better but it still comes up sometimes. I think coming from a home that played such severe favorites games has added to my irrationality but when I find my center the fear leaves.

I also worry about gender in that I worry what Bliss will want. I have absolutely no care which but Bliss today mentioned being outnumbered and needing a brother. He hasn't mentioned that in many many many months but it is back. I told him I hope he got what he wanted but knew we would love the baby no matter what it was. He agreed but I still worry a tiny bit at times.

My hands go dead all day and night now and it is still annoying but expected. I am still throwing up every few days but I am dealing ok with that too. I lost another pound since last week but am healthy with great blood pressure.

So now I continue to unpack, and wait to the arrival.

I am still barely online and feel awful for how little I can comment right now but I know it isn't forever.

Much love to all!!!

7 om's.:

Fat Chick said...

Severe favorites were played in my family too. I think the most important thing is that you are cognizant of it, and that you don't want to play favorites. I kinda envy Soul - with you for a mother and Bliss as an older brother - that little one is LUCKY!

Sam said...

After 12+ years with Chicken I worried about loving Egg as much but after only 12ish weeks I can say that I love them both more than I ever thought was possible.

Sam said...

Why do I feel like Soul is a boy?

annacyclopedia said...

I am so excited for you and Bliss to meet Soul! If there's one thing I know about you, it's that your radiant heart will expand to contain this new baby with as much joy as you feel towards Bliss. I know you know this, too - just an affirmation of how wonderful I think you are. Much love to you, my sister-friend. And I will be calling you soon!

eden said...

I keep feeling that Soul is a boy, too. But if he/she is a girl, Bliss's little heart will open right up exactly the same way. I swear. And everything will be ok. (True! The future told me!)

I understand so very, very much about wondering if you could EVER love another as much as you love your first. The truth for me was .... I love my boys differently. Max came to me and changed me profoundly forever, where Rocco was much yearned for and loved before he was even created. I love them both, but differently, that's all. And that's ok!

Unlike our families of origin, Bleu ..... the families we are creating have more than enough love to go around for everyone.

Glad you got the package.
Now you know the truth .... I have the worst handwriting in the world, HA!!

I am thinking of you daily. Don't worry about your commenting ... it's your turn!!

XOXOXOXO

Tobacco Brunette said...

I'm barely online, too, but thinking about you guys all the time. Almost there! If I recall correctly, Bliss hung out for 42 weeks and even then was reluctant to join us out here - wonder if it will be that way again?

XOXOX

sacredandscarred said...

I was so worried that I couldn't love another baby as much as TBB. I was in tears about it often. I feel a bit awful admitting to that while TTG is nursing on my lap, as I adore the little guy just as much as his big brother.