Friday, January 30, 2009

made it on the road...

but not very far.

We didn't even get out of there until after 3 after I had to do paperwork I thought didn't need doing for a few more days, then to get lunch at 3 to take on the road that was NOT fast food and then we finally were going.

We made it to Reno, and it is so sad if you knew how close Reno is to Sacramento (132 miles) but by the time we got here it was 6pm and that was it for the day. At least we are on our way.

More tomorrow.

p.s. without my RSS reader I have on my mac I will likely not get to too many blogs to comment for a big, I apologize in advance. I have email, even my mac mail but not the RSS feed.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


So have I mentioned I have been waking up in the middle of the night for over a week terrified about our stuff not fitting in the moving truck.

Well our packers assured me it all would.

Until today.

Yes we were supposed to leave today and they arrived and then said they didn't think it would all fit. So after a lot of crying and freaking out I had to order another truck to come and pay for 5 extra feet in that truck so we can fit our stuff.

At a cost of $1300 extra.


And then we find out they cannot seem to deliver the new truck until late today so now we are pushed back another night. We do have my bed and computer, no other beds and they packed the air mattress even though I asked them not to so roomie is on the floor in a sleeping bag tonight. We have no fridge either but do have TV so it is not the end of the world but still SUCKS!!!!

So tomorrow we leave, and I so need a drink, but will settle on iced tea with lemon.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

tomorrow... (UPDATED)

We leave tomorrow. I am beyond exhausted and ready to cry but still trying to push through.
I woke up yesterday and threw up bile for about 5 minutes which was awful.
Today I cannot stop sneezing and truly do not know if it is dust from packing or a cold coming on.

I am scared and sad and happy and excited all mixed together.

I will have a computer on the road but will not have my RSS feed and will likely not get to comment as much.

Back to last minute packing and laundry.


I can't do it, I am taking tomorrow as a rest day and leaving Thursday.

It is after 6 pm and we are just finished with packing the house but I need to figure out the van and clothing better. I really need a day of rest too so we will take tomorrow as a lazy day just figuring out the van and resting all day and then leave the next day.

I think it is a better plan even if the shipping company charges us $50 extra.

Friday, January 23, 2009

neverending packing...

I am in packing hell. Half the house is in the semi out front but there is still so very much to do. I have been ranting on Twit and FB at how awful it is but today I am relatively ok. I pushed back leaving day to Tues. or Wed. and told myself to not push it.

I own too much stuff, that is one of the main problems. Some of it I understand. Baby stuff and toys I and Bliss always took good care of make sense to keep but my need to keep 200 pairs of shoes when I only wear like 3 different in any given season is ridiculous but I can't seem to let go.

I have been trying to cull and cull out so much. I have given away much, sold a few big things and tried to keep letting stuff go. It is hard when neighbors keep stopping by to ask if I am taking this or that and oh can they have that, that and that for free? None of the ones who ask have ever offered to help in any way and it is hitting my hormonal self at times pretty wickedly.

I also am aware of Bliss AND the dogs showing signs of how hard this transition will be. They are all doing great but it shows and I worry. Especially adding a new baby so soon and being in snow. We will all do fine but I try and take time out to rest for the pregnancy and take time to really focus on Bliss to make sure he is ok. All that makes packing slow and unfortunately most stuff only I can pack since I am the one who knows what to keep or get rid of.


The good news is that baby is getting more and more active, or I am feeling it more and more. Also today was my last OB appointment here and may I just say I passed the 3 hour glucose test last week WITH FLYING COLORS!!! I swear I was borderline last time from the Metformin I was just going off of, it truly messed with my system. this time I was way way below borders and doc was happy and surprised.

I did find out my weight for the first time today but cannot discuss that yet. I lost since last time so overall I am up 1 pound from the very start which is good but I had no idea what I had started at so it was pretty hard. It is nothing I can work on now so I just have to force myself not to focus on it but let's just say there were lots of tears at the docs.

Off to take a bath and read my current book and then tomorrow ...more packing.

Monday, January 19, 2009

show and tell for neenie...

my altar, originally uploaded by MamaBleu.

Neenie asked about my altar so I thought I would share. I will be packing it in a few days so it is also nice to have a picture before that. It is currently on top of one of my dressers, I would love it somewhere else, where it was sitting/meditating height but there was no room here and when Bliss was a baby down low was not an option.

If you click it you will see a highly notated version explaining what is on it at Flicker. It is my first notated picture so bear with me.

Click here to see more of Show and Tell that Mel puts together each week.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

wishing otherwise...

for so many having a child brings them closer to their parents, or their mothers

for so many they finally realize how much they were loved by their own parents, something they could never really know until they had their own child

for so many they finally understand how hard it is and was to raise a child

for me it made me learn how loved I wasn't and what total cop-outs my parent's were, taking the easy/abusive road in their parenting

sometimes it makes me cry, a lot

(I am well aware I am currently sick and hormonal but these were my thoughts last night and while melancholy, still true)

Friday, January 16, 2009


By gestation today is the first day of the third trimester.

I had my (hopefully) last 3 hour Glucose Tolerance Test today. It is not healthy to put pregnant women through that, seriously.

I am back to throwing up again, 2 days ago it was so hard I broke blood vessels all around my eyes and now have red splotches around them.

I kept the yucky drink down this morning which was a feat.

Getting lots done but still have so much more to do.

Still have not nailed down a rental for when we get there. Ha!! This makes me laugh actually. I know we will though soon.

Still using the doppler when I get worried. (Thank you Rose!)

Smells are making me nuts more than ever.

I got a big U pillow, very very wonderful.

Taking Bliss to one last dental check up before leaving next week. Very stressful for me and him but better go a little early here and not need to go for 6 months up there.

Back to resting, still feel like utter crap from test this AM.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


So I never got around to posting any x-mas morning pics because until yesterday I had not unloaded the pictures off my camera. Been busy ya know. So here is a perfect one to showcase the theme of the year.

(not the light saber in the foreground, it makes sounds)

Today I hit double digits and have 99 days until due date. It sneaks up on you, that is for sure.

I also am still packing stuff but feel much better that we have packers. I am mostly just trying to pack stuff I don't want them packing like my alter and whatnot's.

I had to thaw and dehydrate my placenta today. Yes I am sure many of you think it is strange but I cannot take a fresh or frozen one across so dehydrating is the only choice. It does not smell bad at all and I am one of those crazy mama's who thinks it is awesome to take a bite after delivery or use it for PPD afterward (I was not able because of the hospital but I did get it before leaving the hospital). So even though I am that way and the smell is not bad, even according to the rest in the house, it has been making me gag which is annoying.

Besides that I have slowed on the vomiting which is good. I am hoping I am just getting used to things and it will zero out in the next week or so, it takes a lot out of me.

So today is try to sell the second car and hot tub day and not much fun but I am fielding lots of emails and trying to stay on it.

That's all for now I guess.

Friday, January 09, 2009

oh yeah, and....

I completely forgot to mention the other thing. The OB last week had told me it is time to stop the Dexamethasone. I was on it for the IVF you might recall but had requested it for 90 days because of my thyroid antibodies. When I went off it I began throwing up and after trying Reglan and Zofran to no help AT ALL they had me go back on and all was well.

So I need to go off it because I am having another glucose tolerance test this month at the usual time for it and the Dex can affect the results, plus my adrenals can get used to the dex which can cause problems later. So I went off it and what do ya know, 48 hours later I started getting queasy and a day after that I began throwing up. The following day I didn't but then yesterday it was 3 times before 10am.

I am still trying to manage it and am back to dinner for breakfast but it is NOT fun and also part of the reason along with others we hired packers.

So hopefully it will not get worse and only better but that is the other tidbit.

To end on a good note though, in the bath the night before last, while I lay reading the latest Isabel Allende book I saw my belly move from the outside. It was a nice moment. It was slight, but it moved.

Thursday, January 08, 2009


So I had my repeat u/s anatomy scan on Tuesday. All went well unless you consider the doctor who was not only silent and told me "I cannot give you a play by play" when I asked what she was looking at after the tech had already spent a half hour on the scan but also wore a ton of perfume. So much so I started to get faint and have trouble breathing. She asked me if I was ok twice and then said she could get a cold cloth and I told her her perfume was way too strong.

All was ok she finally said she was just still having trouble seeing everything she wanted clearly. I was told all was well and checked save facial stuff because said baby is face down and uncooperative. Then they gave me three pictures that were so awful. A blurry foot, a skeletal looking face, again, and a leg bone. I was talking with doc and wiping off gel and saw this pic on the screen and asked if I could have it. It actually looks like a baby which no others even came close to doing. She said no she didn't know ho wand when my jaw dropped she said she would "try." Well in 3 clicks she did it and then ripped the paper and cut off over an inch on top, not that I needed it buy my gawd could she have been a bigger twit???

The last thing that happened there, which was when the tech first took me back was a bit irritating. She got me in the room and said "now you don't want to know the sex of the baby is that correct?" I said yes and then she says"well so you know I call all babies 'him' because I don't like to call a baby 'it.'" I said ok but here is the thing, she never said that at the first visit, when she didn't already know, plus she has never used those kinds of pronouns and didn't this visit either. She always ways "your baby" this or that. So part of me thinks she says that with the correct pronoun just to cover her ass which just irritates the hell out of me. I do NOT want to know. I didn't want anyone else for this very reason. I do not want to be dissecting her words or anything. I truly truly do not care what sex the baby is, I could not even pick if I was given the choice but I really resent her way of handling that because now I have a niggle in my brain I do not need.

OK done with the u/s stuff now on to the next.

I hired a company to come pack, or two men from a company one owns. They are amazing and it is a HUGE stress off of us. We had an yucky argument yesterday and it just was too much to try and do on our own. All of this also means we now have a leaving date. We are leaving the 26th of this month. That is 18 days from now people. AAAACCCCKKKK Cue to me freaking out a bit. I paid for the storage unit in Nova Scotia, I have almost all the shipping issues covered, I have a list, or like 5 lists of what has to happen before we leave.

We have pretty much settled on Nova Scotia now, I finally got some clarity on needing to be where I could have an easier time finding crunchies like myself and also have a chance of having a midwife for the birth.

Now we still have yet to find the rental we will be moving into but have feelers out and are pretty confident that will come together in the next two weeks. So yes it is happening, just like I knew it would but it is still pretty scary. We will take our time driving but try to do it in a week. My head is spinning and I know the next 2-3 months will be rough but the dream is finally happening so that is good.

If, and it is a BIG IF, we can find a place to buy before the baby comes I will be very very thrilled but I know it may not happen. I just really hope I can help Bliss through all these numerous transitions without it being too rough on him. Also the same for the dogs but I promise, Dirt will be PISSED at me for a while. Snow indeed!

OK so that is what's up.

Monday, January 05, 2009

celebratory day...

Dirt Dah Der.

My Dirt.

Today she is 10. She has saved my life literally and figuratively many times these past 10 years. She has been there through very thick and very thin. She healed so much and loved me when I was not even remotely capable of loving myself. She gave me strength and purpose and comfort.

She also happens to share a birthday with roomie which made me realize, at the time, that roomie was family. They shared a kindred spirit from the start.

Today roomie gets lots of presents and flowers and Dirt gets yummy treats.

I am thankful for both.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

moving on... (updated)

I had an OB appointment yesterday. I had gained 6 pounds, my first gain so far which brings me up 3 pounds in total so far. I have decided no more bagels for breakfast. I am not stressed but think 6 is likely about 2-3 of bagel and 3-4 other. The doc said she agreed, that I would eventually be gaining but the 6 was likely the Holidays. Since I did not eat a bunch of cookies or anything the bagels, which have always been a downfall of mine since I slather them with both butter and cream cheese, are a likely source.

Breakfast had been so difficult for so long that being able to eat a bagel was pretty much a luxury. I shall now try cream of wheat with blueberries.

I measured 26 weeks (I was 24 weeks 4 days yesterday) and the heartbeat was 156. She ordered another glucose test which I knew she was planning this month and we went over a few things but all was good.

I am at that stage where often I will have to go pee and the pressure will build fast and I will get to a bathroom only to go approximately an eighth of a cup. So NOT satisfying!!! It isn't every time but often enough to be irritating.

I still do not feel pregnant to myself in many ways, I wish I could explain it but part of me feels like I will be uncovered as a fraud at any moment. I am still feeling the baby, since x-mas and it is HUGELY reassuring, but even with that, and the waddle, and the back ache, and the pressure, I still feel like I can't be pregnant.

I think part of it is the whole getting what I so desperately wanted after sooooo long (3 years of trying) and not really believing it in some sense. After I had Bliss I couldn't believe I was a mama. I would pinch my arms a lot, I had bruises for the first 6 months of his life up and down my arms from doing it but I just could not believe I got my biggest wildest most important dream come true. I think this is like that, and while I have not begun to pinch myself again (yet) I have this unreality thing going on in my head that is such a trip.

Everyone once and a while I look at roomie and declare "I am pregnant" and she just looks at me blankly with this "what is your problem" look on her face and nods and says "yes you are." Poor woman puts up with a lot but does not get me at all (not that many do).

Anyhow all is well and I am packing most every day. This week we tackle the garage which is my most dreaded part but we will get it done, slowly but surely.

Also I want to just put on here, I am VERY aware people of the weather in Atlantic Canada. I also know snow, have liked in both Chicago and Colorado and picked the climate very purposefully. I am looking forward to it, I have a back up generator already and know shoveling snow will be part of the rest of my life. PLEASE no worries on those fronts.

UPDATE: Mrs. Spock's comment made me think of something I wanted to add. I find it interesting how when people are raised in climates with snow and they yearn to move to Florida or California everyone seems to nod in an understanding way and concur but it doesn't seem to work the opposite way. I was raised in Southern California during the drought. I went years without even seeing rain during my childhood. Living now in Northern California is better but a far cry from what I have yearned for. To me it is the same thing as growing up in New York and wanting to move to Miami but for some reason others don't seem to see it that way.

Just pondering.