rough week...

Really rough first week but here are the highlights.

Also to preface this, my mail server is not working right and my internet connection is suddenly almost not working at all but I have no time to figure it out.

First night home Soul started screaming in the night and did so for 6 straight hours. She had the pain scream, the terror scream, the alarm scream, the choking scream, and the shudder scream. I was beyond exhausted, hallucinating from just having given birth and 48 hours no sleep and I went so far as feeling resentment towards my baby girl that night. I felt all the awful emotions thinking how it was taking me further and further away from Bliss, how it felt like I was losing the love of my life (Bliss) who had hours before told me he could wash his face and hands and brush his teeth on his own because there was a baby now. It was a very traumatic night for me.

Next day I am further convinced she is not peeing, something I have suspected. we head out to the closest emergency/medical clinic 30 minutes away only to learn it is closed for the first time in 5 years, but just for that day. We drive another 30 minutes to a hospital and get a thoroughly crappy look over only to be told I must be missing the pee when she poops meconium and the screaming was just colic. Umm ok asshat, read a book, colic is first off a catch-all phrase for nothing and second cannot happen on colostrum.

Next day she is more and more lethargic. Public health nurse comes by and weighs her which is good but she also feels I should get checked out again. We drive and hour to the hospital I gave birth in only to wait 20 minutes with no one ahead of me and them knowing I have an almost 3 day old. A family waiting after me suggests the children's hospital in Halifax where pediatricians are always on. We leave and drive another hour to that hospital. Every damn person all damn day keeps saying they think she will pee in their hand any minute. I even was using a tissue in her diaper to prove no urine, also at this point my milk had come in that morning, she was eating all morning and now not pooping either. After 3 hours and after 10 pm the doc finally sees us. I ask for her to have a catheter put in to see, she agrees. They do it, have a little tension going in but pee comes out. I am elated and exhausted, we get home at 1am.


Next day every time I open her diaper she pees and pees, all damn day. I am very happy I had her cath'd to clear the path. The day is smooth and calm but that night she doesn't give me much sleep, no crying just typical newborn stuff.

Yesterday I begin getting the chills, so bad I have the room set to 75, 4 blankets and a heating pad on me and I am still freezing. I spend the day trying to get warm and miserable but know it is just the hormonal shift, there is no fever.

Today it is better but still there but I got good sleep last night.

I have finished a little over half the birth story and hope to finish the rest soon but my moments available were spent doing this and trying to get online tonight.

Thanks so much for all the awesome support. The first night issues were mostly just a lack of sleep, Bliss is doing really great and jumps to rub her head whenever she cries. I am emotional at him growing up suddenly but will get through it and Soul is truly precious.