Saturday, May 09, 2009

rough week...

Really rough first week but here are the highlights.

Also to preface this, my mail server is not working right and my internet connection is suddenly almost not working at all but I have no time to figure it out.

First night home Soul started screaming in the night and did so for 6 straight hours. She had the pain scream, the terror scream, the alarm scream, the choking scream, and the shudder scream. I was beyond exhausted, hallucinating from just having given birth and 48 hours no sleep and I went so far as feeling resentment towards my baby girl that night. I felt all the awful emotions thinking how it was taking me further and further away from Bliss, how it felt like I was losing the love of my life (Bliss) who had hours before told me he could wash his face and hands and brush his teeth on his own because there was a baby now. It was a very traumatic night for me.

Next day I am further convinced she is not peeing, something I have suspected. we head out to the closest emergency/medical clinic 30 minutes away only to learn it is closed for the first time in 5 years, but just for that day. We drive another 30 minutes to a hospital and get a thoroughly crappy look over only to be told I must be missing the pee when she poops meconium and the screaming was just colic. Umm ok asshat, read a book, colic is first off a catch-all phrase for nothing and second cannot happen on colostrum.

Next day she is more and more lethargic. Public health nurse comes by and weighs her which is good but she also feels I should get checked out again. We drive and hour to the hospital I gave birth in only to wait 20 minutes with no one ahead of me and them knowing I have an almost 3 day old. A family waiting after me suggests the children's hospital in Halifax where pediatricians are always on. We leave and drive another hour to that hospital. Every damn person all damn day keeps saying they think she will pee in their hand any minute. I even was using a tissue in her diaper to prove no urine, also at this point my milk had come in that morning, she was eating all morning and now not pooping either. After 3 hours and after 10 pm the doc finally sees us. I ask for her to have a catheter put in to see, she agrees. They do it, have a little tension going in but pee comes out. I am elated and exhausted, we get home at 1am.


Next day every time I open her diaper she pees and pees, all damn day. I am very happy I had her cath'd to clear the path. The day is smooth and calm but that night she doesn't give me much sleep, no crying just typical newborn stuff.

Yesterday I begin getting the chills, so bad I have the room set to 75, 4 blankets and a heating pad on me and I am still freezing. I spend the day trying to get warm and miserable but know it is just the hormonal shift, there is no fever.

Today it is better but still there but I got good sleep last night.

I have finished a little over half the birth story and hope to finish the rest soon but my moments available were spent doing this and trying to get online tonight.

Thanks so much for all the awesome support. The first night issues were mostly just a lack of sleep, Bliss is doing really great and jumps to rub her head whenever she cries. I am emotional at him growing up suddenly but will get through it and Soul is truly precious.

13 om's.:

IVF 40+ said...

man, sounds tough and you sound amazingly strong. An inspiration.
EB

tireegal68 said...

oh wow - Bleu - you are an amazing and fierce and intuitive mama - to do all that driving and to tell the docs what to do to fix the problem on no sleep and no rest - yeah for you and your spirit! And yeah for Bliss showing you his maturity and for Soul getting through this. And I can't wait to hear the birth story when you get the time to finish it.
take care and so many hugs to you all:)

battynurse said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry it's been such a rough week. I'm glad that she is finally peeing. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon too. Hugs to you.

MSEH said...

So sorry to hear you've had a rough couple of days. Glad you were [eventually] able to be seen. Take care and know that I'll be thinking of you all. Will be emailing you, too.

Anonymous said...

You are doing a great job all by yourself.

Keep us posted.


Rosany and Pam.

Anne said...

Hang in there, Bleu. Good for you for following your instincts. As I'm sure you remember, the first few days (weeks) are the hardest. Things will even out and settle down.

It's wonderful to hear about Bliss's reaction to his sister. Don't be surprised when that wears off and resentment creeps in.

Mostly, remember that each child is born into a different family. Your attention to Soul will be different from your attention to Bliss as a newborn, and that' OK. And Bliss will adapt to the new family dynamics in his own way, guided by you. Your love for him hasn't diminished just because you have openened your heart to a new love, even though she takes a lot of your time right now.

eden said...

Oh, my sweetheart Bleu!!!!!!!

I have been thinking of you three so so much. I cried reading your post .... Bliss saying he could wash his own face now. What a sweet sweet boy - he will be ok Bleu, I PROMISE you he will. I felt it so much with Max, when Rocco came. Max had to grow up overnight. But, kids are adaptable and I picture you, sleep deprived but telling Bliss over and over how much you love him.

Nothing can change how much you love Bliss - not even a baby! And nothing can change how much you love Soul - not even her crying!

Love and wonderful thoughts to you. XOXOXOXXOXOX

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Oh, hon, I am so sorry. That sounds like a really really stressful first week. I hope things are shaking out and you're finding your new groove. I'm thinking about you down here.

MrsSpock said...

I sounds pretty rough indeed...I'm glad Ms. Soul can pee and things are settling down.

Catherine said...

This is the hard part. We had a rough night at the beginning, with Robbie screaming all night and having to feed him pumped milk with a syringe. I am glad Bliss is doing well with it. It must be emotional worrying about him too.
Happy Mothers Day! You are doing a great job!

anofferingoflove said...

oh wow, sounds like a rough few days. i hope things are easing up a bit and you are able to relax and enjoy these first moments. thinking of you all...

butterflyanla said...

She is beautiful just like Bliss. Happy Mother's Day!

vee said...

Things sound rough, but you're amazingly tough. Go you for sticking to your guns and getting her sorted on the peeing front. I don't doubt that everything will start to come together more easily for you all soon. Much love, fierce mama Bleu.