limbo...

I first want to again thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement. It really makes it bearable, I am not kidding, I do not think I could deal with all of this without all the support here.

I have never done well with limbo. I have ended relationships rather than be in limbo in the past. It has always been really hard on me.

I put a call in to my doc yesterday. The fact that a nurse relayed the info and the fact that my doc has never been anything but terrific made me want to speak directly to him. He called me at 7pm last night and I missed it but he left a message saying he would call back or to page him because we would definitely speak that evening (see, he is really great.) SO he called back and we talked and I asked about the 48 vs. 72 hour thing. He said that in his experience the best results came from doublings in 48 hours. He also said he had seen many exceptions. He told me stories of women who had awful numbers and had not doubled even in 72 hours who had fine pregnancies.

He was warm and comforting and let me know he was right there with me in this and we would just keep moving forward. I will get the beta tomorrow and if it is still rising ok then he said he would see about fitting me in for an earlier ultrasound to see that the sac was filled, not expecting to see a heartbeat, but just seeing if things look ok. He agreed with me that basically we just don't know shit yet and I need to just try and relax and get through the next few days.

I also went to acupuncture yesterday. She said I was frustrated the minute she saw me. It helped me relax some. I also read a good book and took it easy all day. I am crampy gassy today and a bit uncomfortable but all in all doing ok.

I had a long talk with Bliss as well letting him know what was up and that I get another test tomorrow and I told him if the baby didn't keep growing well that it would be sad but we would try again. He agreed and said he was ok with all that and to just let him know how things are. He still insists on going to any u/s with me. I know this is because the last one he was at was the dead baby one last year. We talk about it though and he seems really ok. He is such an amazing being.

SO I am resting today and reading blogs and rooting on all who are dealing with this and other crap. I am dealing with the limbo, it just really sucks.