home again...

We are back home from our trip.

I have been back a few days but feeling very cocoon-ish and not really in a place to talk. The trip was great and a let down all rolled into one. I think I had some expectations which is always a recipe for a let down. We did have some great times too so I am trying to focus on that. I do, however, think my son would have been just as happy at a hotel down the street from where we live and that is exactly what I am planning next time.

On the ttc front things do not feel special in any way. I know I have been pregnant without symptoms before, but I am not feeling very positive right now. I POAS this morning at 10 dpo, which I know is early, and of course it was a negative. I am planning for it not to change and really trying to be ok with it.

I am also planning on doing what it takes to get the new insurance. I have been doing some fertility treatments with my current doc but also doing some on my own. (NOTE: do not flame, I am a highly educated and intelligent woman who made her own choice and am fine with it) I am now looking at being referred to the fertility clinic and hoping it can all happen quickly and I will not have to take steps backwards in order to go forward. I am of the mind to just do IVF but I do not know what hoops will have to be gone through with the new insurance.

If anyone has had IVF with Un*ited He*alth C*are let me know your experiences.

I am so afraid of never carrying again, it consumes my breath and makes me suffocate. I have now idea of how to even allow that idea in without having a breakdown.

On a completely different note I have lost 13 pounds in the first two weeks and two days of my eating plan and I am pleased with that. Of course all I want to do today is eat fattening foods until the pain goes away, but I am sticking to my plan. I did go off one day on vacation and then got back to it so that is going ok too.

I will post pics soon of Bliss on our trip.