Thursday, September 20, 2007

out but hope...

I am out this cycle. I am down but there is some hope. I managed to get on the new good insurance after much running around today. I now have an appointment for October 9th with the Fertility Clinic my doc has wanted me to go to. I am feeling some hope at this and am glad it is not too far in the future.

I realized today that I really regret that I had the D&C after my m/c in Feb. The first m/c I had before I had Bliss was a natural one. It was painful both physically and emotionally but it was also purging and cleansing in a way. I waited 3 cycles and my first try back I got pregnant with Bliss.

Since my D&C I have had such strange periods. I also feel that perhaps it did something to mess with my insides or caused a blockage of some sort. I wish I had had the strength and patience to wait for my body to heal itself back then. I know I was so emotional and I just wanted it over but in hindsight I wish I had made a different choice.

I will still try this month, but it will be a natural cycle and then hopefully, if nothing terrific happens, I will get to start a new plan the cycle after. It would put O right around Beltaine or Halloween which would be terrific.

Bliss was with me running around today and I told him it was so I could get a new doctor who could maybe help me have a baby and he said "good mama, but when you see this new doctor I am going with you." He is so darn cute.

So sadness with hope, a strange kind of day, but it is raining and that always makes me smile.

2 om's.:

gold star said...

Onward! I'm thrilled with the news of your insurance and the possibility of IVF for you. I get so excited for people taking that step and have even (inappropriately) pressured friends having no luck with IUIs to move on to IVF if their insurance will pay for it. Although invasive and expensive, the chances are so good. So much luck to you on that path.

Awful to hear about your D&C. Your feelings at that time were totally legitimate, though, don't forget. The feeling of looking back and wishing you had done something differently can be so painful, so give yourself lots of credit for the way you were feeling then.

Hooray for a Halloween/Beltaine conception. That would be magical. :)

Birdie said...

I am thinking of you!

Just wanted to suggest maybe if you have a Mayan Massage practitioner in your area, to give it a shot? Not sure what you think of that sort of thing, but Mayan Massage practitioners work with folks who have fertility issues...

sending positive vibes and love!