dreams...

Right before I found out I was pregnant I was obsessing on 2ww.com and reading symptoms until I found ones I liked, don't even try to say you don't know what I am talking about. Anyway, I read two different accounts where they said having very restless sleep and I had been having that badly for like 5 days. I thought it was worry and excitement over x-mas for Bliss but it didn't go away after x-mas.

Then that night I had a hetero sex dream. That should have been a red flag, when I was pregnant with Bliss I used to have graphic hetero sex dreams with a 70 year old Chinese man. It would really freak me out.

That nights dream never actually had the act. First, there was an entire montage of accessorizing and individualizing school uniforms (so random) and then there was the hot chick in a towel walking down the hall of the Hotel that I had thought was supposed to be a restaurant. I believe that was my psyche giving me a break and a nod to my dykiness but who knows. It also included 3 guys vying for me and ended with me ditched in the hotel I thought was a fancy restaurant. Oh, and the mob was somehow involved.

Since then I have had many disturbing and offensive dreams. Some have been so upsetting I have refused to go back to sleep upon waking. Most have involved abuse or neglect of my or of Bliss. Some have been of me being tortured or gravely hurt. Some have been of me being extremely neglectful of Bliss, but the worst have been of someone else hurting him. None have been of any other baby, that is until last night.

Last night was a mild dream for me, but it involved the baby and I am willing to share it. In the dream I had the baby, but although labor was pretty icky, when I delivered the baby I was somehow asleep. Then I kept not breastfeeding or feeding then baby at all. I next looked at the gender and it looked like a little girl at first, but then I saw the little penis. There was a vulva and no testes so the baby was, I believe, a hermaphrodite (which would be OK with me). It was confusing though.

Next I was at a betting place/race track with the newborn and my mother (who disowned me and hasn't seen me in 10 years in real life, but who has never been a gambler) and she wouldn't stop to let me take my baby home. I was following her trying to get her to stop walking.

Finally I gave up and turned to leave and there was all these guys being loud and drunk and to my horror the baby got vomited on. I left the track and went into a house I saw to use the kitchen to wash the baby. The baby this entire time kept smiling and remained completely calm and quiet.

Then once the baby was washed he/she smiled and I said "hello Soul" real close to her/his face. Then the baby smiled and started talking to me which was so surprising, I asked how it was that he/she could talk the day of birth and she/he just smiled and said it was normal, others just choose not to.

Then the owner of the house came home and was understandably upset some stranger was in their kitchen, I said sorry and left in a hurry. It was more like the owners kid actually. Next thing I know I was down the block and realized I still hadn't fed the baby and then I realized I had forgotten the baby so I ran back and the boy gave me a big paper bag like you get at a department store.

I looked in and saw a loaf of fresh bakery bread, I picked it up and the baby was underneath, smiling and looking at me. I picked up the baby out of the bag and apologized profusely, the baby said that he/she was fine and I went back down the block. I finally found a place to stop so I could finally nurse her/him and before I ever did I woke up.

THAT was the nicest mellowest dream I have had so far and it was whack. It WAS the first dream with the baby in it but still, come on. Can we say random strangeness?????????????