going with the flow

Ok, I know that to be the corniest title ever but it made me chuckle so it is staying.

After a longer cycle than ever in my history of cycles (31 days, usually 24-26) I finally began bleeding. THANK YOU GODDESS!!!!!!

I was not in a good space. I do not do great with any "limbo" like situations. This is actually an understatement. I suck ass at limbo situations. I always have. I have a history of favoring a bad outcome to an unknown one and it wasn't pretty. I no longer am "that" bad with limbo and I am working on it. I recognize that it will keep coming up until I get better with it. It does, however, makes life unbearable at times.

So I kept getting bfn's and kept not bleeding, not even a spot. After a couple days my mind just takes off with it. I decide there is a giant cyst, that needs surgical removal and I won't know it is there because my OB isn't doing ultrasounds. This will lead to wasted inseminations and wasted money I don't have and all will be for naught. Basically just a tiny window into my brain in limbo, tiny.

I am better now, bleeding very heavily but not golf ball clots like last month. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that two cycles ago I had a chemical. My breasts engorged for Buddha's sake! My period was tons of huge clots. It just seems like that is what happened, but I digress. I am better now, and began another round of Clomid last night.

So the Clomid, I do not have many side effects while taking it. I take it before bed though, and no matter what time I go to bed I wake up at 3:30. This is my 6th pill I have taken and for every pill there has been a 3:30 wake up call. I do not know why. I don't wake up hot, warm but nicely so. I wake up to pee. Plain and simple Clomid makes me pee at 3:30 am. Once I am done taking the Clomid it no longer happens. Strange huh?

As for side effects later in the cycle, that is a different story. I seem to go through some definite stuff starting at 7 dpo. I get rather grumpy necessitating me to yell any and all forms of communication. Really pretty I can tell you. I am determined to be different this cycle.

So on with the flow, going with the flow, I am just trying to be present and take things a day at a time. I picked a new donor and a new bank. I will be ordering this week and hopefully the upcoming 2ww will be better than the last one.

I will not, I repeat NOT NOT NOT NOT be using any blue dye hpt's. In fact the only ones I will be using will likely be digital. I may breakdown and get a few $ Tree ones, but only because I know they have evap lines, but never false colored lines.

Today I am going to chop down a x-mas tree. Well, use my cordless reciprocating saw but still we are going to a tree farm and Bliss gets to pick.

Happy Day!!!!!