Wednesday, July 04, 2007

11 dpo...

Negative HPT. I am pretty down.

I saw my doc on Monday. She said my Clomid Challenge was great, and was pleased. She said she thinks I should continue on the Clomid for a while longer. I spoke to her about taking DHEA along with it and she said it couldn't hurt. She said she thinks I have plenty of eggs, and I ovulate well, but the eggs are either not fully maturing or poor quality. Injectables could give more numbers, so therefore better odds of a good one getting caught.

I found out though, that she does not do injectables at her office. She refers to a Fertility Clinic. She is an RE but chose not to do that in her practice. I was pretty stunned. This definitely throws a wrench in my plans. I do not have insurance that will cover any fertility stuff at all. I may have to change and pay bit for insurance in September, but I now have to see if the only one I could maybe get covers infertility and if so how much.

Part of me wants to do injectables on my own. No flames folks, it is where I am at right now in my head. I know protocols. Doubt it will happen but I am just so despondent right now.

I also have no desire to go to any festivities today. Bliss is pretty oblivious but it isn't fair to him if we don't. I know I should have just waited until tomorrow to test, but I just couldn't. I tested yesterday for the first time, then again today. Some friends always have a block party each year that we go to. I am so not up for it today. I am not sure if we will stop by, but we will take a drive at nightfall by the Expo Center/Fairgrounds to see the fireworks show. I also got him some sparklers. I am just not sure that is enough to keep me from feeling like the world's worst mom today. I already feel like the worst mother for not being able to provide him a sibling.

I am thinking of taking this next cycle off as far as progesterone and estrogen goes. I will always do progesterone, I know I need that. But I may go one month without the rest and see how it goes and then if still nothing do another 2 - 3 Clomid cycles before figuring out the insurance thing. Open enrollment is in September, if I could even get and afford it.

I also know I could still get a positive, but I am pretty doubtful at this point.

UPDATE: We did go to the block party after a movies and popcorn at home. Then we went to see the big ones so he got to have a really great day. I faked it and felt better for it.

1 om's.:

Mandy said...

Hi Bleu,
Be kind to yourself please....
this process is hard enough to endure at times...
You are doing really well and i'm sure Bliss has great fun with you most of the time....
You sound like a wonderful Mom ( see i spelt it the American way for you!)
good luck with it all :)