11 dpo...

Negative HPT. I am pretty down.

I saw my doc on Monday. She said my Clomid Challenge was great, and was pleased. She said she thinks I should continue on the Clomid for a while longer. I spoke to her about taking DHEA along with it and she said it couldn't hurt. She said she thinks I have plenty of eggs, and I ovulate well, but the eggs are either not fully maturing or poor quality. Injectables could give more numbers, so therefore better odds of a good one getting caught.

I found out though, that she does not do injectables at her office. She refers to a Fertility Clinic. She is an RE but chose not to do that in her practice. I was pretty stunned. This definitely throws a wrench in my plans. I do not have insurance that will cover any fertility stuff at all. I may have to change and pay bit for insurance in September, but I now have to see if the only one I could maybe get covers infertility and if so how much.

Part of me wants to do injectables on my own. No flames folks, it is where I am at right now in my head. I know protocols. Doubt it will happen but I am just so despondent right now.

I also have no desire to go to any festivities today. Bliss is pretty oblivious but it isn't fair to him if we don't. I know I should have just waited until tomorrow to test, but I just couldn't. I tested yesterday for the first time, then again today. Some friends always have a block party each year that we go to. I am so not up for it today. I am not sure if we will stop by, but we will take a drive at nightfall by the Expo Center/Fairgrounds to see the fireworks show. I also got him some sparklers. I am just not sure that is enough to keep me from feeling like the world's worst mom today. I already feel like the worst mother for not being able to provide him a sibling.

I am thinking of taking this next cycle off as far as progesterone and estrogen goes. I will always do progesterone, I know I need that. But I may go one month without the rest and see how it goes and then if still nothing do another 2 - 3 Clomid cycles before figuring out the insurance thing. Open enrollment is in September, if I could even get and afford it.

I also know I could still get a positive, but I am pretty doubtful at this point.


UPDATE: We did go to the block party after a movies and popcorn at home. Then we went to see the big ones so he got to have a really great day. I faked it and felt better for it.