back from RE...

WOW, I am actually feeling a bit excited.

I spent the week at the chiro and acu and have been feeling amazingly better since. Today was my u/s and blood work at the RE and I am feeling pretty excited right now.

First off I have been so worried about cysts or fibroids and I am completely clear. They used the speculum and then inserted and catheter into my cervix, then pumped the balloon to keep it into place. Then they took out the speculum and put in the u/s wand and then after looking around injected sterile saline to check things out. I have a very smooth walled uterus and everything looked perfect. I had at least 5 antral follicles on each ovary which he seemed really pleased with for an un-medicated cycle and only 6 days into my cycle. I have Go*ogled this already and have no idea what to think but I think I will choose to not dwell on the possibilities.

I was able to go over the 32 questions I had and he answered every one. He also listens and when we discussed Dexamethasone he said he usually used it with cases of endometriosis and I said ok but I had wondered with my history of Hashimoto's and the antibodies in me even though they are down to a pretty good level. His response was "oh, yes, I hadn't thought of that and in your case I can see that could be a good idea so let's order that as well." Having a doctor listen and change his protocol to better suit me is such a huge plus in my book.

I also showed him my food journal from this past week I have been on his EZ Diet and he really looked over every single day and told me he was impressed and that I was really sticking to the diet exactly. I told him I am an all or nothing kinda gal and then I launched into my questions about the diet. Here is what he told me. He said fats and oils are NOT a problem, truly. He said don't go nutz but putting half a stick of butter on popcorn is fine!?!?!? He said using olive oil in cooking s great. He said the diet is NOT a low Glycemic Index diet and that he felt the GI index was one of the great shams of the past century. He explained it does not measure something that may take an hour to spike but then spikes 20 times higher than something else considered bad. His diet is a Low Insulin diet and through his years researching and testing it he found what has to be avoided. That is why low fat yogurt, which has a low GI, is bad because it gives a huge delayed jolt of insulin. He said sour cream is questionable and enough research hasn't been done on that one so use it lightly, cream cheese is ok but I would still go sparingly myself on that one. He also mentioned that mayo, so long as there is no sugar or flour (i.e. homemade) is perfectly fine as is cheese and all other dairy, even whole milk dairy. He said sweeteners of almost any sort are not ok but that Stevia had been tested to be ok. I do not use the powder but it is used loose leaf in Yogi Teas which I love. He said that was especially ok. He also said the Cheat Day after the first 4 weeks are over is THE ENTIRE DAY, not just a meal. WOOHOO!!! He said after the first 4 weeks to really follow the cheat and bad food list add in guidelines so your body doesn't go on maintenance for what you have been doing.

Can y'all see why I am so impressed with him? I told him he needs to write a low insulin index book and he agreed.

He told me they were sending the Rx's to the pharmacy and that I would get sent the shot schedule with the Shot Class info and the Embryologist class info as well and all was perfect for the last week in November. I then got 4 vials of blood taken and signed a few forms and was done, all in an hour from start to finish.

I am pretty excited to tell the truth. It feel much more real and much more like things are progressing now. I am sure in another week I will be going bonkers once again, but for now I shall just enjoy.

let the sun shine.... (updated)

That song has been playing in my head since waiting to flow. I have felt like the sky would open up and that song would be booming down on me as soon as I finally started.

Well, late last night after two days of herbal teas of ginger, licorice, Don Quai, and chamomile and at almost 20 dpo I finally started. And it came on with a vengeance. I was up on and off through the night with such a horrid headache. I also had neck pain that make me sick to my stomach. I finally took pain meds at 3am. I woke up in bad shape. I ate some eggs to try and soothe myself after a small glass of milk. We planned a trip to the pumpkin patch today. I was so sick this morning from such severe pain I ended up vomiting my whole breakfast.

I also woke up with police dog nose. I have been having it for the last week or two, like when I was pregnant, but I have been very aware I am not pregnant and I have not understood why I am experiencing it. It also is worse some days than others. Starting yesterday it began to become intolerable. Today it definitely added to my throwing up. I made it to the patch with Bliss and we had a pretty good time but I was feeling just awful. The drive home (about 45 minutes) I got so bad I just cried and cried.

I am sure it is a combination of things. Going off coffee and sugar and all breads and getting a very delayed period all at basically the same time is not so great on me apparently. I have been alternating ibuprofen and arnica and lots of water and baths. I am feeling a bit better this evening but the neck pain and headache are still there in the background. I really think it was a migraine. I do not suffer from them, but I could not believe how bad it was, it actually frightened me a bit.

I start BCP tomorrow and have my saline contrast u/s on Friday. They will also do blood work stuff then. On Thursday I have my first acu. appointment with the IVF acu. I am not real thrilled with this office thus far, even though I have yet to see anyone yet. I decided to check out a chiro. in my network because of my neck and found one very close to my house that is a chiro/acu clinic. I will try and get in tomorrow and will ask if they do IVF acupuncture and see how they are. I just do not like what a hassle this one has been thus far so we will see.

I just want to get through this week, get on BCP and see the RE to get all the questions I have been jotting down answered and get past the first week on the EZ Diet and off coffee.

UPDATED: I wanted to add something to really bring home how awful I have been feeling. Yesterday I weighed myself and I had gained back 10 pounds. Yes in one week 10 pounds. I was devastated but knew I was bloated from impending period hell. I just weighed myself this evening, even though it is only about 24 hours into my period. I weigh 8 pounds less. Eight pounds people, that is how much pressure and misery I have had pent up inside, how much bloat and suffering. I am in shock, well I was in shock yesterday but I am in even more shock right now.

the latest...

I spoke to the clinic and they said so long as I was on BCP I could get the saline contrast ultrasound after my period ended. They sent in an RX for it for me yesterday and roomie picked it up on the way home today. That is a big monkey off of my back. I am on Yasmin is anyone has any info or was wondering.

In other news, old news, I am still not flowing. I cannot believe this. Yes I have POAS and it is still very negative. Then last night I see some EWCM and just about flipped out. I took an OPK just to see if things were REALLY messed up. Thankfully it was also very negative. The thing I have been afraid of and worrying about is seeing a very very late positive and then having to worry about an ectopic pregnancy or a very unlikely one that would just simply delay my IVF and make me nuts. I am glad that does not seem to be the case, but if I do not start by the end of this weekend I am really going to lose it.

I have been on my eating plan week off and pigging out on everything I can think to try one last time before starting the new plan. I have not felt great and have over-indulged twice in a way that made me feel just awful. I am also thinking I will only take one day off for thanksgiving because it will be so close to the ET but I may do 2 days, but not a week like previously planned. I am also thinking I will not take Halloween off, I will just eat some candy tomorrow since it is the last day of my week off.

I will also be doing the treadmill every other day for 30 minutes for the exercise portion of the new plan. I really enjoy the treadmill, but much more so when I weigh a little less than I do now. I am not sure if that has to cease in between the ER and the ET or the beta.

Anyhow maybe I need to light a red candle to encourage this thing, but I feel bloated and pent up and miserable and really just want to get going.

if you want to try and understand...

then read this brilliant post by Mel, it says it all.

going bonkers...

Oh for fucks sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I did call the clinic, the very day I said I was waiting of course. They were great. As soon as I get af call and they will get me in on cd2-5 for a saline contrast ultrasound, then I will start bcp on cd3. I will be having the ER the last week of November and the ET either later that week or the first week of December depending. Great, ok then, lets get this show on the road, except now my period won't start. I am 15dpo today which is just an insanely long luteal phase for me who has notoriously short ones. AND THIS IS A NATURAL MONTH!!!!!!!!! Last time I had a natural month, just three cycles ago, I had a 10 day LP so WTF???

I am having roomie pick up dollar hpt's today on her way home from work just because I figure getting them may bring on af. I tested Monday, not even an evap. line. I am not pregnant, but of course my body is reacting to my head and not starting just to mess with me. The other strange thing, my ovaries have been aching. Whatever.

I will post more when I finally bleed, but this is so annoying.

on to the next thing...

Still negative as I assumed. I should be getting af anytime. This morning I am a bit crampy so maybe today, we shall see. I am waiting to actually see af before calling the clinic to get on the schedule for IVF in Nov.

I am taking this week off of my eating plan as well. I am eating all the things I have missed and then next week I will begin the EZ Diet for the IVF. I should have 4-6 weeks of it before ET so we shall see. I will, of course take Thanksgiving off though.

I am doing ok. Yesterday we went on the Spookomotive Train and took a carriage ride. Bliss for a caramel apple too, he is happy. I may post pics later if any come out good. We took some carriage ride pics like the one in my profile, but unless I don't hate it you may not see it.

We have a huge spiderweb on the front of our house and we also put one of those big garbage bag spiders out there. I love this time of year. I wish we were in Canada, but still, we have had some rain of late and the trees are turning.

I will post more when I get the schedule.

limbo...

This 2ww is going so slooooooooooooooooow.
I have been having strange dreams but not feeling anything beyond that. I am not on any drugs though so I am not surprised. I am feeling that dreaded limbo thing which is making my life nuts.

In other news I have officially lost 20 pounds, finally. Things slowed way down recently and when that happens it is really hard not to get frustrated. I have had three cheat meals so far which is pretty good. It has been 5 weeks. I will say, though, that after a cheat or binge meal it is hard. Not to go back, I am actually doing well with that. The hard part is the hunger. It is so interesting. I can eat salad and feel full. I can eat small portions and do well, but if I eat certain cheat foods I cannot feel full. The other day my cheat meal was a decadent breakfast. I had pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, and hashbrowns. I made those litle hashbrown patties you can get frozen. I fried them up. I swear I have dreamed of them since. I could seriously eat 10 of them and not feel full. It is the same with french fries. Something in my body does not register fullness with fried potatoes. It is scary, truly. Since that huge cheat meal I have been sooooo hungry every day. I have been staying in my guidelines completely, but it has been sooo much harder. Then having the weight thing slow down makes it even harder. I get that fuck it attitude, but then I have a big salad or some Pr0gresso light soup and get through it. I am slowly getting back to normal again, but it is work.

I am going to likely take next week off, but not go crazy, and then starting the following week begin the new EZ Diet the doc wants me on for IVF. That is assuming I am not pregnant now. I still have questions about it but we shall see. I am also taking Halloween as a vacation day and the entire week of thanksgiving off.

My head has been really loud of late and I really need to get back to some meditation to shut it up, but it keeps telling me not to. (lmao) Signs of a sick mind. THAT should be a new post entirely but I am not sure I am willing to go there.

more news...

I broke down and called back to ask if they knew anything. I finally got to talk to the girl who does all the insurance stuff. There was good news and waiting a month news. I have great coverage for what is covered but some things require pre-determined authorization. It is all about the codes and what are ok and what require pre-approval. I was told there is no lifetime max for what is covered which is great news. I was also told as far as IF and IVF insurance I have some of the best. It is just a company known for making people jump through lots of hoops (isn't that all insurance), and it is known for taking there own sweet time to pay out, but apparently that shouldn't concern me. I was told that was there problem.

So she told me they would submit for all required procedures that need pre-determination now and that I would hear back within 30 days of what they decide. So you see, much is very good and some is annoyingly postponed. I am very grateful I have this insurance now, but it still has me on pins and needles a bit.

I hope to try and be positive, relax, and hopefully sleep a bit better now.

in the meanwhile...

I am still waiting for the call about insurance specifics. In the meanwhile I thought I would mention that the new doc spent a long time researching diet and how it affects fertility. He gave me a sheet and went over it in depth. I have since had a few questions that I have emailed him and will update when I get the answers but I thought I would post his plan for anyone interested. I do have permission so long as I change nothing which I have not.


EZ Diet

Diet Modification Plan

by Dr. Ernest J. Zeringue

Bad List:

Sugar (to include hidden sugars e.g. orange juice)
Breads/baked goods and flour
Potatoes
Yogurt
Beer
White Wine
Bananas


So-So List: (serving size = tennis ball)

Pasta
Rice

Good List

Everything else. You can eat any meats, fruits, vegetables, or nuts that aren't listed above. Dairy products are also good. There is no need to limit portion size.

Red wine may be consumed in moderation.

Phase 1
(Restrictive)

Nothing from the Bad List.
1-2 servings/week from So-So list.

As much as you want from the Good List.

Use Phase 1 for 4 weeks.
This should help with the cravings and give you impressive results.

You may be hungry between meals for 1-2 weeks. Eat snacks from the Good List.

Phase 2
(Maintenance)

2-3 servings/week from Bad List.
3-4 servings/week from So-So List.
As much as you want from the Good List.

Cheat Day 1 time/week.

Vacations: Enjoy yourself. You may need to return to the restrictive phase for a few weeks after your vacation.

Exercise:

3x per week 20-30 minutes


**************************************************************************************

He also said the cheat day and the 2-3 from the bad list per week were important so your body didn't assume those items were gone forever and adjust and go into maintenance without them. He said adding them sometimes would keep things working optimum. He also said weight loss was not the goal of this plan but better IGF-1 which affects:

* weight regulation
*eggs and ovulation
*endometrial growth
*cholesterol
*testosterone
*skin
*arteries and hypertension
*mood and energy

wow...

So I finally had my appointment. The doctor was really great. He took 2.5 hours with me. In a conference room he sat and talked to me for that long. I was impressed.

If this cycle does not end in pregnancy I will be slotted for IVF next cycle. We spent a long time looking over my history and whatnot and it is what we both feel is the best route.

I had a feeling it would be but there is still this shock. I would never have thought this would be where I would be at. I am sure few ever think this will be their path but sheesh it does give one pause.

I am excited to have a plan, t be able to move forward, but it is frightening all the same. Not the procedures, not even the drugs, it is just the fact that it is sort of the end of the line. The big guns. If it doesn't work, or if 2 or 3 tries don't work then there is no place left to go towards this end. I think THAT is the frightening part.

I never thought I would end up getting IVF but it was always the last ditch effort, the last hope, the end of the road just in case in the far recesses of my psyche. I think it led me to never think about any possibility of not having another child grow inside me of my own egg. Now that it is here and I am looking at it just a possible few short weeks away it is pretty unnerving.

I still have some insurance info I am waiting on but all looks good so far on that front.

So now I am in another 2ww, hoping it will happen that I do not have to take this leap, but so very grateful I have the option.

argh...

SO I had anxiety all morning. My roomie took off two hours early from work to go with and we all went down to the appointment. Even Bliss was excited. I walk in and the front desk tells me my appointment is tomorrow. They asked me yesterday if I could come in "tomorrow" which is today. Well we left and when I got home I called them to ask a few questions and then decided I would do an insem today. So I did one and will see the new doc tomorrow. I am frustrated but will live.

yeehawwww...

I have been plugging along. I am less than 2 pounds shy of a 20 pound weight loss for the month. I will weigh in tomorrow to see exactly.

I drove to the clinic this morning to drop off my new patient packet and medical records. The front office was very very nice. I also told them if they had any cancellations between now and next Tuesday I would love it. They said they would put me to the top of the lust for a cancellation. I just got a call saying they could see me tomorrow morning. Yipeeeeeee.

I am also right at ovulation. I am not sure if it will be tonight or tomorrow and have not decided yet if I will inseminate or not. I am only on cd 9 which is sooooo early but at least I can bring my tank with me tomorrow and see what the doc thinks. Maybe I can even get an IUI thrown in for good measure. I highly doubt it but one can hope.

If I do end up not doing this cycle one good part is it will likely be a very short cycle.

I will write what happens after tomorrow. I am just so excited. I truly didn't know how I was going to make it until next Tuesday.