Wednesday, October 10, 2007

limbo...

This 2ww is going so slooooooooooooooooow.
I have been having strange dreams but not feeling anything beyond that. I am not on any drugs though so I am not surprised. I am feeling that dreaded limbo thing which is making my life nuts.

In other news I have officially lost 20 pounds, finally. Things slowed way down recently and when that happens it is really hard not to get frustrated. I have had three cheat meals so far which is pretty good. It has been 5 weeks. I will say, though, that after a cheat or binge meal it is hard. Not to go back, I am actually doing well with that. The hard part is the hunger. It is so interesting. I can eat salad and feel full. I can eat small portions and do well, but if I eat certain cheat foods I cannot feel full. The other day my cheat meal was a decadent breakfast. I had pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, and hashbrowns. I made those litle hashbrown patties you can get frozen. I fried them up. I swear I have dreamed of them since. I could seriously eat 10 of them and not feel full. It is the same with french fries. Something in my body does not register fullness with fried potatoes. It is scary, truly. Since that huge cheat meal I have been sooooo hungry every day. I have been staying in my guidelines completely, but it has been sooo much harder. Then having the weight thing slow down makes it even harder. I get that fuck it attitude, but then I have a big salad or some Pr0gresso light soup and get through it. I am slowly getting back to normal again, but it is work.

I am going to likely take next week off, but not go crazy, and then starting the following week begin the new EZ Diet the doc wants me on for IVF. That is assuming I am not pregnant now. I still have questions about it but we shall see. I am also taking Halloween as a vacation day and the entire week of thanksgiving off.

My head has been really loud of late and I really need to get back to some meditation to shut it up, but it keeps telling me not to. (lmao) Signs of a sick mind. THAT should be a new post entirely but I am not sure I am willing to go there.

3 om's.:

Sara said...

Sorry this wait is to slow... Good job on your weight loss; I'm sure that progress makes you feel better.

lady in waiting said...

20 lbs in 5 weeks is really impressive. I don't know how you do it, but congrats on the success. I am too crazy about the foods on the "bad" list unfortunately. And I feel the same way that you do about french fries. Sometimes I go out and only eat the fries portion of my meal.
I hope you don't end up needing IVF of course, but if you do, please feel free to come to me with any questions since I've been through it all before.

Oh and, I bought an enormous amount of raw brazil nuts and so I can eat at least 3 a day. They are fattening though! Wow. Thank you for all of your help :)

bleu said...

Thanks!!
I am quite sure I will be getting IVF but will give it until I officially start AF before announcing.
I feel over researched out atm about it but when I start I am sure I will definately come up with questions so thanks.
Watch the brazil nuts, after a while they get stale/rancid, but you can smell it when it happens and the yucky!
I am so happy I could offer some info.