Saturday, January 17, 2009

wishing otherwise...

for so many having a child brings them closer to their parents, or their mothers

for so many they finally realize how much they were loved by their own parents, something they could never really know until they had their own child

for so many they finally understand how hard it is and was to raise a child

for me it made me learn how loved I wasn't and what total cop-outs my parent's were, taking the easy/abusive road in their parenting

sometimes it makes me cry, a lot

(I am well aware I am currently sick and hormonal but these were my thoughts last night and while melancholy, still true)

16 om's.:

Billy said...

:-(
~hugs~

Kriss said...

My parents and I had a huge arguement after we got my children. They said hurtful things like they weren't real grandchildren and how we should have done IVF (they were mad at me and was trying to hit below the belt, not sure to this day if they even believe the crap that spewed from their own mouths) and at the point I learned how to love my children and myself. I haven't seen or spoken to my parents in almost four years. It's hard, it sucks and I hate it BUT we are so happy as a family AND my kids are real children, real grandchildren... born in my heart. I am sorry that your parents are smucks and don't see what they have... a beautiful Bleu, Bliss & Baby. Hugs!

anofferingoflove said...

(((hugs)))

owlie said...

oh. so sorry you sad, lovely one. you should feel triumphant that you survived and have managed to create your own beautiful family and are a fantastically loving and child-focussed mother.

annacyclopedia said...

oh, sweetie. Wishing it was otherwise for you, too. I know a bit about how much work you do to heal from you own childhood, but it doesn't really take the pain away, does it? You are in my heart today.

battynurse said...

Hugs to you.

Sam said...

My mother has started to show some interest in the pregnancy. At 38 weeks. She even offered to watch Chicken while I labor. Um? I think I took care of that already but GEE THANKS. I hear you. Being a parent has put a glaring spotlight on my mother's deficiencies. I'm sorry that you have to live this way, too.

Susanna said...

I'm sorry. Sending you a hug.

vee said...

Hugs. I'm sorry. It must all feel very raw, feeling that little one inside you.

Dora said...

I hear you. My mother is so clueless about our dynamic. I think it still surprises her that I don't open up to her. I know it surprised her when I told her I didn't need her to come with me for my polyp removal. I have no illusions that a pg and baby will improve our relationship. Sucks.

xoxo

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Sending a hug, my sweet strawberry.

sacredandscarred said...

I agree with Sam, in that parenting has made me very aware of the fact that my emotional needs were not met, and how that has affected me.

I think it's wonderful that you are so aware and have made different choices for Bliss.

Hugs.

Neenie said...

You don't have to blame the way you feel on hormones- what you feel is real and natural and very justified considering your situation & experience. I am so sorry you even had to experience something so shitty yet at the same time it has shown you what a parent truly is and should be and that is what you are providing Bliss with. Bliss has the best mommy in the world.
Ever.

Catherine said...

I am sorry it dredges that up. My Dad had a crappy childhood too, and he made the best parent. At least you like him, came out of it and made a fantastic parent. It just shows you do not have to have had a perfect childhood to be a good parent.

Catherine said...

I am sorry it dredges that up. My Dad had a crappy childhood too, and he made the best parent. At least you like him, came out of it and made a fantastic parent. It just shows you do not have to have had a perfect childhood to be a good parent.

From Here To Maternity said...

((hugs)) Your post hits home as I've thought the same thing when it comes to my own parents.