Saturday, January 03, 2009

moving on... (updated)

I had an OB appointment yesterday. I had gained 6 pounds, my first gain so far which brings me up 3 pounds in total so far. I have decided no more bagels for breakfast. I am not stressed but think 6 is likely about 2-3 of bagel and 3-4 other. The doc said she agreed, that I would eventually be gaining but the 6 was likely the Holidays. Since I did not eat a bunch of cookies or anything the bagels, which have always been a downfall of mine since I slather them with both butter and cream cheese, are a likely source.

Breakfast had been so difficult for so long that being able to eat a bagel was pretty much a luxury. I shall now try cream of wheat with blueberries.

I measured 26 weeks (I was 24 weeks 4 days yesterday) and the heartbeat was 156. She ordered another glucose test which I knew she was planning this month and we went over a few things but all was good.

I am at that stage where often I will have to go pee and the pressure will build fast and I will get to a bathroom only to go approximately an eighth of a cup. So NOT satisfying!!! It isn't every time but often enough to be irritating.

I still do not feel pregnant to myself in many ways, I wish I could explain it but part of me feels like I will be uncovered as a fraud at any moment. I am still feeling the baby, since x-mas and it is HUGELY reassuring, but even with that, and the waddle, and the back ache, and the pressure, I still feel like I can't be pregnant.

I think part of it is the whole getting what I so desperately wanted after sooooo long (3 years of trying) and not really believing it in some sense. After I had Bliss I couldn't believe I was a mama. I would pinch my arms a lot, I had bruises for the first 6 months of his life up and down my arms from doing it but I just could not believe I got my biggest wildest most important dream come true. I think this is like that, and while I have not begun to pinch myself again (yet) I have this unreality thing going on in my head that is such a trip.

Everyone once and a while I look at roomie and declare "I am pregnant" and she just looks at me blankly with this "what is your problem" look on her face and nods and says "yes you are." Poor woman puts up with a lot but does not get me at all (not that many do).

Anyhow all is well and I am packing most every day. This week we tackle the garage which is my most dreaded part but we will get it done, slowly but surely.

Also I want to just put on here, I am VERY aware people of the weather in Atlantic Canada. I also know snow, have liked in both Chicago and Colorado and picked the climate very purposefully. I am looking forward to it, I have a back up generator already and know shoveling snow will be part of the rest of my life. PLEASE no worries on those fronts.

UPDATE: Mrs. Spock's comment made me think of something I wanted to add. I find it interesting how when people are raised in climates with snow and they yearn to move to Florida or California everyone seems to nod in an understanding way and concur but it doesn't seem to work the opposite way. I was raised in Southern California during the drought. I went years without even seeing rain during my childhood. Living now in Northern California is better but a far cry from what I have yearned for. To me it is the same thing as growing up in New York and wanting to move to Miami but for some reason others don't seem to see it that way.

Just pondering.

13 om's.:

Billy said...

Glad baby is doing O.K

I can so relate to that not believing part. Though I'm not there yet, I know I won't really believe it until baby is out.

Pepper said...

Heh! That is SO something I would do: randomly every few hours say, "Hey Bleu - You're pregnant!"

Hang in there with the packing. Hopefully seeing all the progress you're making will help.

MrsSpock said...

I HATE packing, and LOATHE moving. I refuse to move more than one more time in my life. The next house is the one we will die in.

It sounds like you are a snow baby. I hate the cold as much as I hate moving, but I can't stand the thought of living anywhere where there is no spring or fall. I'm sure you will have many lovely pictures to post once you are moved there- I hear it has a great landscape.

RM said...

I totally relate to the unsatisfying pee situation! A friend of mine told me to lean forward as I'm finishing to empty my bladder more fully, and that seems to help a little bit.

And I also am in the constant state of disbelief- that I'm going to wake up from this dream and feel so horribly wounded that being big and pregnant never happened at all. Even now working on the nursery hasn't helped bring me around. Will be interested to see if a screaming baby at 3am will convince me. :)

I love that you're heading to Canada... I'm envious, actually. My grandparents retired to Maine when I was young and all of their friends in Virginia thought they were crazy to be heading to colder climes. They loved it though- they had the bug just like you!

Happy New Year! xox

calliope said...

so glad that things are going so great with you.

As for the weather covet? HELLO! I HATE the heat and here I am in Florida. I was raised all over but learned that if I don't experience 3 seasons (summer can suck it) then I get very depressed. I actually feel more creative and energized when I am cold. I feel healthier and I hear you on the need to relocate. Plan on doing that myself one day.

Mermaid said...

I completely understand. I grew up in S. Tx and longed to move to Duluth, Minnesota (random, I know). I still wish I lived somewhere with snow.

annacyclopedia said...

The only part I don't understand is why you want to move to a part of Canada with the sea and lobster and history and fiddle music instead of the frozen tundra part where I LIVE!!! You get snow in both places, you know ;-)

And hey, Bleu? You're pregnant! You're up the duff! You've got a bun in the oven! You're gestating! You're knocked up! You are with child! Woot! Woot! Woot!

Susanna said...

Oh wow, I felt this EXACTLY while I was pregnant: "I still do not feel pregnant to myself in many ways, I wish I could explain it but part of me feels like I will be uncovered as a fraud at any moment." Thanks for articulating it.

I grew up in So. California also, and was very eager to head to No. California for college and then eventually to Seattle, where I would get all the rain I wanted. So I can totally understand your moved. I also lived near Chicago for three years and loved the weather.

eden said...

Firstly ... how does Anna know what up the duff is? Is she secretly Australian?

Secondly .... Bleu - I get you. If I was your roomie, and you walked in with your beautiful pregnant belly one day and said to me "I'm pregnant!" I would TOTALLY shriek and holler with Bliss around the room, in awe.


Solitaire said...

I hear you on wanting to live somewhere colder. Florida is not my choice, but here I am anyway. Heat is depressing when it never. freakin'. ends. Having said that, Canada would so not be my choice either! I am a wimp with snow, although I like a little of it in the winter. Northern California or North Carolina is pretty much as cold as I'd like.

Up the duff is an English expression, too, by the way!

K said...

I have only very recently stopped having those "maybe it's all a mistake" feelings. I think it's because my belly has finally gotten big enough (and I am up waaaaaay more than 3 pounds) and the movements forceful and constant enough that I can't deny it any longer. I'm pretty sure I would if I could. LOL! It is so far beyond surreal to be in this state after it evading me for so long, and you were at it even longer than I was. You just keep telling your roomie and anyone else you need to! And keep telling us. We'll be happy to reply, 'cause YOU'RE PREGNANT!! :-)

Catherine said...

Glad baby is doing well. I felt not pregnant most of my pregnancy. Only the last few weeks did I feel it. It was over so quick. Hoping you feel it soon.

Ms Heathen said...

"I still do not feel pregnant to myself in many ways, I wish I could explain it but part of me feels like I will be uncovered as a fraud at any moment."

I can really relate to the feelings you describe here, Bleu - thank you for putting it so well!
Part of me thinks that I will only really and truly believe it if/when I get to hold the baby in my arms.