Wednesday, October 22, 2008

...

I have been having a rough time.

I am tired of writing about it.

I have spent a good chunk of time feeling sorry for myself.

That irritates me as well.

The Reglan has not helped either except before bed, otherwise I think it has made it worse.

I went back on Dexamethasone today because the vomiting started 48 hours after I stopped it and they said maybe it was keeping me from throwing up all first trimester and now without it I am.

I am not sure but we shall see.

I had a couple hours today of feeling really good.

Now as night came I have felt more and more yucky.

Part of me wants to write and write and write all my boo-hooing down just to try and get it all out but the other part is just tired of it.

I want so desperately to enjoy this pregnancy.

I am sorry if I am not commenting as much as usual.

I am sorry Mel my emails have been late getting back to you.

I am sorry I am whining so much when I have everything I have wanted for so long while so many of you are still painfully trying.

21 om's.:

sacredandscarred said...

I'm sorry you're suffering. It sucks to work so hard to get pg, and then have it suck.

Topcat said...

You are allowed to whine. Anytime. God knows you've been through so much to get where you are .... growing a baby is hard work. It's taxing. Please don't apologise if you do it tough, you are human.

(You also make me feel better about whining HA!)

I really hope the throwing up stops, soon. Thinking of you!! XOXOXXO

Cece said...

OK. I'm going to stay it. "Pregnancy is the best reason in the world to feel like crap". I don't want you to worry about what you write in YOUR space at all. Those that love you out here in blogland WANT To hear about your pregnancy - even if you are whining about throwing up all day, every day. Because no matter how down in the trenches we are - you have to admit that throwing up that much sucks hard.

Please don't censor yourself. Enjoy the fact that you have all these craptastic sympotoms to complain about. Soon - we want to hear you whining about how the baby is kicking so much you can't sleep!

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, my sweet! There is no need to apologize. What you are going through is suffering, and just because you are also pregnant does not mean that your suffering counts any less, or is any less difficult, or is any less worthy of boo-hooing. I know you're tired of it and I know how deeply you want to enjoy this pregnancy. But the truth of right now is that things are hard for you. It's ok to open to that and to speak the truth of that - more than ok, really. It's right.

May you be blessed with peace of heart AND peace of stomach, and know that you can be held without doing anything more than what you feel able to do. Much love.

mulberry said...

sorry you are feeling like crap... give yourself a break... maybe you just won't enjoy the pregnancy.

there is no rule that says you have to. you *haven't* gone through all this to be *pregnant*, you have done it to have another child. i think the TTC struggle and all the focus on getting pregnant makes us feel like it is supposed to be some glorious enjoyable thing once we finally GET pregnant... more people i know found it uncomfortable and inconvenient - a necessary drag to be endured to get the kid at the end - than found it fabulous and delightful.

know we are thinking of you...

Billy said...

~hugs~

dakota said...

I agree with all the smart folks above. Whine all you want. We're here. Sorry this can be so taxing on the body. Hey I would even hold the bucket for ya if I could!
Sending you love.

Jen said...

Bitch all you want! I just hope you start feeling like yourself and enjoying this pregnancy soon!

Peeveme said...

Being pregnant is really hard and just becasue you were infertile does not mean you forfeit the right to complain. Don't minimize what you are going through. It is really awful.It is hard both physically and emotionally. Thinking of you and hoping this goes way soon.

Mermaid said...

Hugs to you! It's your space to be you, so whine and complain all you like. Even those of us not pregnant know that it doesn't magically become all sunshine and happiness when you get pregnant. Feeling terrible sucks!

tobacco brunette said...

Whine away, sweetheart. You're the one who's been telling me these last few weeks how hard this can be and how our blogs are the place to release it. You've encouraged me to vent and you were right - it was helpful.

So, in your words, "vent away!"

XOXOXO

jay said...

Venting is good - I never think of you as a whiner! Many hugs to you from us xxxx

nancy said...

Hey, I'm having a complete and totally fucking mental breakdown. I think it's all allowed.

MrsSpock said...

Barfing and pukiness deserves some whining. Whine away!

CTagsGirl said...

Beeotch away...I'm right there with you! :) And because I haven't officially congratulated you...congrats on your pregnancy!

Thanks so much for the encouragement/advice about progesterone levels you left on my blog...so appreciated.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I think when you're in crisis (and right now you're in crisis even if it's a good crisis), your body shuts down to the bare essentials. Just getting through minute by minute. Just sending a hug for the minute by minute.

meanmama said...

As someone who was nauseous and puked frequently throughout the duration of 2 pregnancies, I understand why you are so miserable. I also think that valuing the pregnancy and cherishing it because it will lead to a baby is sometimes the most you can hope for in this situation as opposed to out and out "enjoying" it. And when you feel more movement, it will still be special even if you feel awful. My babies were born under difficult circumstances and spent weeks in the NICU and it was awful, but I still have some good memories of it all and respect and cherish my pregnancies, and you most likely will too. It is understandable that you are disappointed that this pregnancy is not going how you hoped... but putting that filter on your current reality will surely make you miserable. If there is any way to take it day by day and muddle through the sickness while getting some pleasure out of a moment of joy here and there, then I think you will end up with a special experience even in the midst of pukiness.
Take care.

sara said...

Sorry - my comment just got lost by blogger. But the cliff note version was I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this after having been through a ton already. It doesn't always seem fair and I hope you're on the way to a quick recovery soon! Puking and hyperemisis is terrible, I'm in the hospital with the same thing myself currently..let's both get better soon!

Jess said...

Bleu I sooo feel for you during nausea and vomitting hell. Bitch and moan all you want...whatever helps...and know that you WILL get through it. I really hope you are feeling better already.

Thanks for your comment, as always!!

Thinking of you. xoxo

LJ said...

you sweet woman - you can whine, bitch, moan, crap, obsess, and poke as much as necessary!

From Here To Maternity said...

Whine as much as you want. I've learned that pregnancy is hard, scary and uncomfortable. Sometimes you just need a safe palce to say I'm not enjoying this right now without being judged.