Tuesday, September 02, 2008

7w1d...

I wish I had fantastic new to report. As it stands I have more waiting, as usual.

The u/s started after some tears and the doc had a heck of a time seeing well, apparently my uterus is tipped at the moment. He said he saw a heartbeat but he took a preliminary measurement of 6w4d which would be pretty much no chance considering I am 7w1d.

He then tried doing abdominal u/s which was no more clear. I ran and peed again and came back and he got a little better view. this time he got a 6w6d measurement that he felt better about. It is still 2 days behind however. Last pregnancy, with the twins, was measuring 3 days behind and then they were gone.

We did get a heart rate this time which was 131 which is good. I am not, however, feeling joyful or excited. I have had so many pregnancies that this has happened, none of them have turned out well. I know this can very much be fine, but it could also not be. There is no comfort yet beyond the mere gratitude of being pregnant.

I will also be honest and admit that there only being one is a bit heartbreaking in and of itself. Selfish likely, but how i feel.

I go back next Monday for another u/s and we shall know more then.

He did a lot of analyzing the last time and saying he thought the yolk sac and gestational sac looked better this time but he also was aware there was just not going to be any sense of relief today.

So I wait, again.

I appreciate so much all of your support, I wish so badly I could give more hopeful news. I am pretty down right now but trying to be ok. Bliss is trying to but he is worried as well. It is hard when you have a child so aware, but as he says, "if the baby stops growing we just have to try again."

28 om's.:

carey said...

BIG BIG HUGS to you... I know getting an u/s like this is so hard. :( I hope next week brings better news!! I hope this week passes QUICKLY. Hang in there my friend!!

Melody said...

I am hopeful for you. I wish you could have more relief right now. FWIW, ours has consistently measured nearly a week behind what it's supposed to be. I finally just made peace w/it and moved our due date. I'm hoping next Monday brings you the blessed relief you need.

vee said...

Oh honey. I wish today had brought clearer, happier news for you. We are both hoping so hard for that little scrap to hold on and stay strong. It sucks that you have more uncertainty ahead and another week of tortuous waiting, but we both remain hopeful for you. And I don't think you're selfish at all for mourning the loss of the other transferred embryo - I felt the same sadness when we discovered only one had made it, though we weren't longing for twins at all.

Hold tight to your boy and your wee baby. We'll hold tight to you.

Catherine said...

I wish you felt better. I know you won't until you are further ahead. Robbie measure one day behind on his first U/S and 131 is a great heartbeat. I will keep the faith for you. I hope next U/S is easier.

Jen said...

I wish I had the words to make you feel better and more confident in this pregnancy. But I know my words mean nothing compared with a good ultrasound next week. So that's what I'll wish for, a wonderful ultrasound. Hugs

MrsSpock said...

It stinks that you have more waiting. Crossing my fingers things still look OK next week.

Patricia said...

I'm holding all three of you close in my heart and praying for the very best.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Sweetie--I wish it could just be easy. I wish it could be clear and concrete. I wish you could get promises. And just know my heart is with you.

aspiring said...

The baby that's napping on my dining room table right now measured a couple days behind at 6w5d and had a heartbeat of 127. I'm just saying.

I am sending lots of good energy your way.

Peeveme said...

Thinking of you. Sending calming thoughts.

RM said...

Bleu, I'm sorry you found very little comfort today. I won't try to blow smoke up your ass, and be all chipper... I just hope this week *flies* by, and you'll get a clear healthy u/s next week.

Many hugs.

annacyclopedia said...

I wish today had gone differently and brought you more peace. But I am abiding with you as you wait until next week, and I am making *very* specific requests of the Universe on your behalf, for this baby to grow a bunch this next week, for this baby to be Bliss' longed for sibling, and for peace to come into your heart as you wait.

Solitaire said...

Oh, I'm sorry hun, I wish it had been better, and perfect. I hope next week DOES revel perfectness, and that today was just a blip rather than the start of bad things.

Mermaid said...

Hugs to you sweetie. I'm still here holding your hand.

The Fonaholics said...

Hang in there, and i am sure the baby will too, try to stay positive bleu, i know its so hard, your little man is so wise and beautiful, he will be a wonderful man when he grow up!!

Lizzie said...

Big hugs and hoping you get the reassurance you need next week. Sorry today wasn't unequivocal joy. Big hugs.

calliope said...

oh honey I am sorry things weren't more clear today, but I am hanging on to hope like a mofo and feel certain that next week things will look just as they should.
xoxo

Billy said...

I'm sorry to hear that the U.S leaves you with more waiting. How frustrating to not be able to enjoy pregnancy with all this uncertainty and waiting :-(.
And Bliss - what a wonderful guy he is!

owlie said...

sending light and love and holding hands, don't care if you squeeze so hard you break fingers.

may this little one grow fast and strong and you finally get some calm and content for your family of three.

j said...

love you. And thinking as positively as I can for you and Bliss.

butterflyanla said...

May all the uncertainty come to a positive light. I am wishing you all the best and it isn't over yet. I still holding onto hope and positive vibes for you.

sandra said...

*hugs*

LJ said...

The positive vibes and intentions you have blessed me with are being redirected back to you and your baby.

SmartOne said...

I want this to be the one that works for you and Bliss. I want this so badly.

Sam said...

I'm sorry that you are so down right now. It is understandable though. You are being realistic and there isn't anything else you can do about it. I'm sending hugs your way.

theclam said...

I wish it had gone better and that you were feeling more confident... All I can say is that I hope the wait goes quickly and that your little bean continues to thrive!

HUGS to you Bleu!!
xxx

tryingtoconceive said...

I'm sorry you didn't get the reassurance you needed. And hope this next week will pass quickly for you.

I hate IF and all the joy it sucks out of everything. I understand your anger.

scarredbellybutton said...

If it helps any, my early u/s measured 5 days behind and had a happy ending. I can't remember if it was a FET for you this time? If so, I know they can take a little longer to "get going" but they can catch up. I hope this is the case for you.