Friday, September 12, 2008

proud mama... (updated)

I just had a super proud mama moment. Bliss and I were watching an old Tom and Jerry (I am still on the fence on many of these) and it was one where Jerry and Nibbles were Musketeers. Anyhow at the end Jerry puts Nibbles over his knee and spanks him and Bliss asked "why is Jerry raising and lowering his hand like that?" I said he was spanking Nibbles and it wasn't nice and before I could say any more he asked "what is spanking?" I first gave him a big kiss and then I explained it was not nice and it was hitting.

I very rarely went a day of my childhood without being spanked and often they turned into full out beatings. Especially if I didn't cry and cower enough for their liking. I am so very proud my child does not even know what spanking is, it makes me cry but the tears are happy tears because he is growing up unaware of something that was so very damaging to my psyche and soul and caused me so much pain emotionally for so many many years and so much self hate for so long.

I am just so proud my almost 6 year old does not know the meaning of that word in any way.

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I feel like I need to add. Never spanking my child has never been hard for me. The idea of striking my child is horrendous and unfathomable to me in every way. Breaking the cycle of abuse was much more about stopping abusing myself as I had been than of not abusing my child. I am just so happy he doesn't even know the meaning of the word, that beyond never experiencing it first hand, he has never experienced it second or third hand either.

18 om's.:

MrsSpock said...

Good for you!

dakota said...

A lot to be proud of and a lot to have gone through while still coming out an intactivist to boot. (Did you make up that word?)
Thank you for sharing this post. xoD

Lollipop Goldstein said...

You should be proud.

Billy said...

Wow, you should deffinetly be proud of yourself!

Catherine said...

You are such a great Mother.

LJ said...

That warms my heart to hear. More people need to never have heard of violent "solutions" to problems.

Neenie/PawsNY said...

I am so proud of YOU!!!!!!!!! Takes a powerful woman to break a painful cycle and you have done exactly that!

mulberry said...

what many do not realize is that love, respect and care for themselves is what will allow them to provide that for others in their lives (including their children). i think the care you have taken to heal yourself is so very evident in the care you take with your son. a pleasure to continue to get to know you.

eden said...

That is so gorgeous, that he had to ask what spanking is. I love it. And, good for you for breaking that vicious cycle, Bleu.

Hitting a child is a very humiliating, shaming thing to do to another human being.

XOXOXXO

ps I LOVE Tom and Jerry

Jess said...

It takes tremendous strength, Bleu, to stop the cycle of violence...to NOT just follow along with what you were taught and what you experienced...to make a different and NEW choice for your child. I'm inspired by you and am so proud of you for having such strength.

Dora said...

That's so cool!

Sara said...

Snapshots like these illustrate just how much healing has happened generationally, as well as personally -I hope- for you.

annacyclopedia said...

That is so wonderful, Bleu. Warms my heart to hear this story. So glad you are enjoying the pride of having done so much to change the world through your family.

Erin said...

Cheers to the end of one cycle of violence. May it be snowball from here! Congrats and thank you.

vee said...

Wowo! So you should be proud!

SmartOne said...

I'd definitely say that's lots to be proud of!

scarredbellybutton said...

What a beautiful moment! I'm sorry you were not treated well.

lolaurora1 said...

It is a horrendous thought, the thought of striking your child. I have had similar moments. Something so widely accepted as spanking, I think about my daughter and could actually see the spiritual damage it would do. Who deserves that? What good does it actually do? none. Thank you for letting me know that it is ok that I will never ever ever hit my child.