I lost the babies.
Both stopped growing last week.
Now I wait to miscarry for the third and fourth time.
UPDATE: So the first thing upon getting home is I get the mail. How perfect that the very very first bill I have ever gotten from my clinic was in the mail, and it was for the IVF in December. It is just the timing of it that was frustrating.
Next after I was home for about 15-20 minutes I get a call from my Endocrinologist. I had gone to get my thyroid levels checked a couple weeks ago to make sure all was ok for the pregnancy. The TSH T3 and T4 were all ok, the T4 came back just above the limits, but nothing to worry about. My Endo suggested lowering my meds a tiny bit once a week. My Thyroglobulin levels and antibodies were both not back yet. Fast forward to last week and they were still not back, no biggie. If you want my total history with thyroid cancer and then Hashimoto's Disease read THIS post.
So the docs nurse tells me the Thyroglobulin came back pretty ok but that my antibodies were at 661. The doc wanted to possibly schedule an ultrasound to check for left over tissue or a possible new nodule to make sure nothing could interfere with this pregnancy. I informed the nurse I had lost the pregnancy, she asked when, and I said I had found out about a half hour ago. She said she would have the doc call.
Here is the thing folks. I had gotten my antibodies to right around 200. I have had my entire thyroid removed, half at 19 and the other half 2 years ago when I had the severe Hashimoto's. How in the fuck can my antibodies triple in the past few months if I have no thyroid???????????? And now there is the huge question of if it caused this loss or not.
I also cannot fucking believe the timing of all of this. I am now numb, just numb. I took some junk food. I say "took" because I was either going to have a drink or have shit food. I wasn't even hungry.
The only good thing...it turns out I have not gained any weight.
So I am dumbfounded and confused. I am waiting for a call from my Endo and my RE.
Bliss said to me when I came crying out of the clinic "aww but we were soooo close!' He has been fine but wanting me near, but his usual wonderful funny self. A little while ago he asked if we were going to have a baby and I said not right now, that as I said before the babies didn't make it this pregnancy. I asked if he was ok and he said yes, I asked if he was sad and he said he was sad the babies didn't make it but otherwise he was fine. He is amazing and truly what gets me through all this.
ANOTHER UPDATE: The Endo just called and because it is a different lab that uses a different assay we have no way of knowing what has really happened so now I have to go back to my old lab and have the tests done again, which is not my lab now but should be covered as an out of network lab. ARRRRGGGHHH
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I lost the babies.
Posted by bleu at 2:35 PM