Monday, March 03, 2008

sleep...

I have been doing OK. I am still bleeding but it is down to a trickle now. Not much in the way of clots but two days ago I swear I passed a marble. Strangest thing, it was so round and hard. It didn't seem to be anything but clot but who knows.

Emotionally I am OK with tears on and off and anger peeking in every so often. I AM, however, doing that 'depression-staying up late thing.' I am sure many of you know it well. It is where you stay up flipping through channels on the TV and watching all sorts of crap shows all trying to keep your head from talking too much. I have always been the type who has the hardest time when I lay down to sleep, that is my loudest "head" time. So I have been up until 12 or 1 many days in a row. The thing is that is still getting 6 hours of sleep, which is a lot compared to my younger days, but I have been dying in the mornings lately. Yesterday my whole body ached, my legs and arms and back and neck, I was just so tired. Roomie told me to take a nap at like 9:30 or so. I agreed as I was just in so much pain. I woke up at 1:30!!!!!!! I was so shocked.

So last night I decide I have got to get to bed at a decent hour. So in the early evening I decide I will make a cocktail before bed and try that. Well, we had no Tequila or Vodka so roomie ran out to get some. I made a nice margarita before bed after Bliss was fast asleep. I sipped it (such a pathetic drinker these days) until it was gone, and it was large. I went to bed by 10:30 which was good. I woke up in hell. Oh people I have not had a hangover in a long time. I only had one drink. I am thinking it is likely I had a hangover because of the Metformin I am still on, but ouch. Head in vice around eyebrows not a fun way to wake up.

So tonight I am planning on just going to sleep with Bliss when he does. I will get through this, it is just a slow process.

9 om's.:

K said...

Good to hear from you, my friend. I am still thinking of you constantly and wishing you strength and peace.

Michell said...

Sorry about the hangover. I got one once from drinking a glass of wine, never got drunk but had the hangover. Hope the sleep thing gets better.

MaverickMama said...

When I have those days that my brain won't shut off I put a book on tape in the CD player....especially one with a reader I like. Then I try to focus on the story. Usually I can drift off after about 30 minutes and the CD shuts off at the end of the play.

Jess said...

I've been a faithful lurker for a while now. May have even commented once or twice. I just wanted you to know that I'm reading along with you as you go through this, and hoping for some peace for you. Sorry about the hangover, but glad to read that you are getting through it, no matter how rough it is.

Sonya said...

You are in my thoughts.

Sara said...

A hangover! Ugh!! I'm glad that you are still moving through this. Thinking of you.

Jen said...

I too hate the quiet of right before bed when my mind can wander... Thinking of you!

vee said...

I find jigsaws help with the noisy mind thing (though obviously you can't do those with your eyes shut trying to drop off!). The other thing that helps me is Radio 4 - a talk radio station which is generally very soothing and peaceful - you may be able to pick up the world service where you are, which would be similar. Turn it down really low so you have to concentrate to hear it.

Bummer about the hangover.

R and J said...

I hear you. I hate the quiet at night, but only when i'm depressed and i can't stop all the thoughts that just come out so loud!!
Sending you a big hug!