Wednesday, June 11, 2008

16dp3dt...

I POAS this morning. Very negative. So this was a chemical pregnancy.

I am going to assume it is back to zero. While I am sure tomorrow after the definitive beta I will shed some more bitter tears it is also good that this will be done and not drag out. Now I can focus on trying to gather up more stims and trigger shots, order more sperm, and concentrate on July's IVF.

I am also trying to plan a trip up to New Brunswick to hunt for a farm/house/land. I have been in contact with a few Realtors and it is all coming so soon. If I could maintain a pregnancy we would likely even move earlier but with March 29 being roomies retirement date and the latest I will stay here I also know I cannot look at property in the snow so it seems Bliss and I will go up in the fall. (Now it seems I will likely need to wait until March to go up to look, oh how much can happen in a day)

While I am beyond excited at the prospect of this FINALLY coming to fruition, I feel this double urgency of a ticking clock. I turn 41 in 8 days and the months are slipping by so fast and I feel like ACCKKK hurry hurry hurry. So I am trying to breathe and just put one foot in front of the next.

7 om's.:

Mrs. Bluemont said...

That's right love. Step left, step right. I hope you find the perfect home for your sure to be growing bigger soon family. oxox

Solitaire said...

I'm so sorry about the chemical. Dang. Hopefully July will be the one. Wow on the fall planning trip - should be fun. I think at least that will give you something exciting to look forward to & I hope you find the perfect place.

tobacco brunette said...

You have so much going on, but it definitely sounds like you're keeping your wits about you. I admire your one step at a time approach.

And I'm really sorry about the chemical. I'm hoping July is the one for you. I'll spare you my numerology bullshit this time, though.

XO

j said...

NB? Like east coast? Like um, not terrifically far from my house?

Come visit;)

Michell said...

I too get the urgency. I feel like I want all this to work so I can go home. I hope the beta shows a zero so you can move on to your next step. Hugs. And excuse me, your birthday is in 8 days??? Mine is in 9.

nancy said...

I'm so sorry.

Do you happen to need any follistim?

Amber said...

I know how hard it is. All you can do is keep moving forward. Grieve it then leave it. Better times are ahead of you.