Monday, June 09, 2008

open arms...

I watched a movie last night. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. It was an awful movie in so many ways but had those really typical touching Adam Sandler moments. I am not one for dumbed down humor usually but there was nothing but that or Knocked Up and I just couldn't face that one. Spanglish was one of his movies that I truly loved so I decided to give it a shot.

So in one part of the movie they play the song Open Arms after the guys "go Jr. High" and start slow dancing to hid the fact that they can't dance.

I started bawling.

I had to pause the movie and just cry cry cry. I know it was for tons of reasons. I am wound up with this feeling of waiting for the end, plus it brought back so many dances where you would just pray someone would ask you on THAT song, or Stairway to Heaven. Those were the two songs you just had to dance with someone on. I never really did.

I cried for the sad little girl I was back then, desperate for love and no clue what it was or how to find it.

I cried for the woman today who has so much love and is so desperate to give some more to another being.

I cried because it was so ridiculous to be crying.

Then I went to bed.

I am fine so far today. I just think it is going to be a roller coaster and I just have to ride it out. In the movie Parenthood there is this fantastic scene where the grandma talks about roller coaster and just enjoying the ride. I have always loved that scene. I am just trying to relax a bit and enjoy the ride, or at least not fight it every step of the way.

8 om's.:

Amber said...

Jr High was so hard. I imagine everyone felt a littel like that at times. I think infertility feels a lot like that...sitting out while your favorite song plays...watching other people slow dance. Aching for what they have.

BTW..I HAVE to throw in the Scorpions "still lovin you".

R said...

Just wanted to send you some positive energy today :) Hope you are doing well!

annacyclopedia said...

Hey, Bleu, you're not alone at the weeping at silly movies thing. Saturday night I watched the "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" on tv, and was weeping in lots of different parts. Sadder still, I had seen it before and knew what to expect and I still cried. Sometimes those moments that speak to your heart come in the most unexpected and embarassing places...

I have a lot of faith in your ability to relax and just be where you need to be in all of this. You're doing so well.

And I really love the movie Parenthood, too!

calliope said...

been thinking of you, sweetie.
xo

lady in waiting said...

That was a great movie.
I'm sorry about what you are going through now. Thinking about you...

Sara said...

I'm so sorry for all you're going through right now. Sending you thoughts of peace.

tobacco brunette said...

Oooh...sweetie. I just want to give you a hug right now. I wish I lived in California so I could come distract you. You're not alone on the roller coaster - we're all with you. XOXO

Michell said...

I didn't really care for that movie either. I liked knocked up way better. I'm sorry about all the stuff and waiting etc.