Thursday, June 19, 2008

6-19-67...


This was what I intended to post today. I keep this picture on a shelf in my bedroom. I do not have many pictures of me as a child. Being disowned makes it hard to get childhood pictures. It took 2 years to get my baby book sent and I am quite sure my aunt is the one who made that happen.

Anyhow I like this picture because I was being me. I was called a brat a lot as a child. I was told I was phony and bratty and rude. But I remember this time, I was expressing all sorts of stuff, emotions. I used to like to put on musical numbers or shows and ask if my parents would watch. No one really got me and as a result I spent many years being anyone but who I was.

As I get older (I am 41 today for anyone who isn't into the math) I find that I get more and more in touch with my authentic self. I also find seeing Bliss and seeing glimpses of his authentic self is so beautiful. I hope to never stifle that in him, whoever he becomes. I was about his age now in this picture.

My only issues with getting older are twofold. One I hate it from an IF standpoint which I know so many of you get. The other is this awful feeling that every year that goes by is less time with Bliss, I truly hate that. Aside from those two things I am ok with aging for the most part.

I get emotional on birthdays so I think I will end it here.

18 om's.:

jay said...

Happy birthday. xxxx

vee said...

That's a cracking picture of your yound self, and so lovely to see it right next to that shot of your lovely son. You both look like you're having fun.
Happy Birthday my dear.

Lizzie said...

Wonderful picture, it comes up on my screen right next to Bliss. Happy Birthday!

soapchick said...

What an adorable picture! Soooo cute! Have a happy birthday!

Demeter said...

I love that picture of you! It shows an untampered soul. Authentic and spontaneuos. Hopefully with the years we go back to our true selves, and aging shows simply a reflection of our inner child with some wrinkles. I am 42, I never thought I would be so lucky to have not 1 but 2 children, life does show us many colors.

Tanya said...

Ah ha ha! That's a great picture. I can so see the resemblance between you and Bliss there.

Happy Birthday.

nancy said...

Damn - you said it was your birthday. I was going to try to get extra points for simply remembering it!

Great fucking picture of you! I love it!!!

And happy birthday to you! You are an amazing woman and the world is better with you in it. How anyone could have disowned you is totally beyond me. That's insane.

love you!!! ~kisses~

Michell said...

Happy Birthday. That is a great picture of you.

annacyclopedia said...

This is a beautiful picture, Bleu! Especially because it shows that lovely, spontaneous, joyful side of your nature, of all our natures, before the world wounded us and made us harden up. I love that you have it displayed in your home to remind you of that. I hope your birthday is a time to celebrate your strength and courage to get back to your authentic self.

I totally agree with Nancy - how anyone could disown you is simply beyond comprehension.

Kymberli said...

Try to think of birthdays backwards. Instead of thinking it's one less year with Bliss, think in celebration of having had another year with Bliss.

I love this picture of you - I can see you everywhere in Bliss. That same spirit and individuality is present in both of those pictures.

Happy birthday, Bleu.

Neenie/PawsNY said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLEU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna keep that picture on my fireplace mantle thingie :) Hope you and Bliss had a wonderful day and that there are no more flying animals in your future!

Sara said...

Love the pic! Happy Birthday!

Sam said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLEU!!!! You were seriously cute as a wee one. I see where Bliss gets some of his beauty from now. I am glad that you have learned to be yourself, without criticism.

Pepper said...

Sending belated, but heartfelt, Happy Birthday wishes. And what a great pic!

tobacco brunette said...

I LOVE that pic of you and it's so cool to see it next to Bliss's photo - both of you being quite expressive.

Happy Birthday, sweetie!! XO

Solitaire said...

This is a VERY late happy belated birthday! I hope you have something fun planned this weekend. And I love the photo! I hope you have it framed and on the wall.

The Town Criers said...

This is a fantastic photo.

I'm so glad you are you.

Happy birthday again!

sandra said...

happy birthday!