This was what I intended to post today. I keep this picture on a shelf in my bedroom. I do not have many pictures of me as a child. Being disowned makes it hard to get childhood pictures. It took 2 years to get my baby book sent and I am quite sure my aunt is the one who made that happen.
Anyhow I like this picture because I was being me. I was called a brat a lot as a child. I was told I was phony and bratty and rude. But I remember this time, I was expressing all sorts of stuff, emotions. I used to like to put on musical numbers or shows and ask if my parents would watch. No one really got me and as a result I spent many years being anyone but who I was.
As I get older (I am 41 today for anyone who isn't into the math) I find that I get more and more in touch with my authentic self. I also find seeing Bliss and seeing glimpses of his authentic self is so beautiful. I hope to never stifle that in him, whoever he becomes. I was about his age now in this picture.
My only issues with getting older are twofold. One I hate it from an IF standpoint which I know so many of you get. The other is this awful feeling that every year that goes by is less time with Bliss, I truly hate that. Aside from those two things I am ok with aging for the most part.
I get emotional on birthdays so I think I will end it here.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Posted by bleu at 4:38 AM